Friday, November 27, 2015

Chasing sunsets

I am realizing that as I grow up life becomes more routine. It is harder to be spontaneous. It is harder to have child like faith. Temptations and doubt become giant tidal waves that I face in the midst of life. I forget the importance faith. I yearn for these moments of triumphant victory, I desire to see Gods hand move in miraculous ways. Yet my yearning is nothing if I do not actually take the time to spend time with my Father. I run towards these moments. Expecting to see the beauty without going through the pain. I want to see the sunset. I chase the sunsets. I desperately want to take in the beauty as much as I can before the night rages on. I want to be found in those moments.I want to live my life through works and sacrifices so I can have those moments. I think that as long as the blessings and beauty abounds I will be okay. But its the moment the sun goes down and the dark sky creeps in I loose hope.  I forget it is about the relationship; the journey. I proceed with my head down going once more through the motions of life.  I do not want to live my life this way. I realize this is such a big temptation. As soon as the holidays role around and life just gets busier we have excuses to go through the motions. Excuses to not take time to let Jesus in. It all ends in hopeless stress.  Galatians 5:1;13 says,
 "For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to the yoke of slavery. For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not us your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another."

   I have to remind myself the Author of Life has not made me to be a sunset chaser. Chasing the sunset trying to find myself in those moments. Trying to see the beautiful outcome before the journey. For we only have the few moments God gives. Do not let the motions of life become your excuse. For we are free. Free to have faith. Free to pursue a relationship with Christ. This has been my theme since summer. I have written the same prayers and had the realizations that now is the moment to follow God. Yet it was hard to take the time to truly spend time with my Father. We will have moments where we use our freedom as freedom to live for now; the temporary. Do not get discouraged. Christ died to give us grace so we could get back up. For he desires our hearts more than our actions. Our actions will surly reflect our hearts. I think in the world today we want to see our outcomes; our future. That we forget the now moments.

"For I desire steadfast love and not sacrifice, the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings."
Hosea 6:6.


Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Pain in the Midst of the Sunsets

No words cannot describe, no poetic word sequence can be written. Nothing can help describe the silence. It's watching a sunset on a broken heart. Letting it heal but also letting it bring on another day. Another day that your not used to. Instead of ending each night with peace, you anxiously dread another tomorrow. A tomorrow full of life, storms, laughter, and tears. A tomorrow that brings the next path. A path that no one wants to walk down. I realized following God in these moments is letting go of life and mourn. Cry it out. Let him carry you into the rugged journey. It's letting yourself feel helpless with trust in Him and be okay with it. Hopelessness try's to make a breathable moment unbreathable. It try's to make you feel like life will always be this way. But it's okay. Life is this way. The journey/this storm/ this leg of the path may be filled with hopeless after hopeless moments. The wind may be knocked out of you each time. It's okay. In one moment you are mourning and the next small gap may be a beautiful sunset. A sunset that is filled with storm clouds and the very thing you are morning. Our pain will hurt, but God turns it into beauty. In these moments we can see the beauty of our pain like a sunset. 

In these moments we are reassured that He is near. He is constant. He literally hears our prayers.

Saturday, July 11, 2015

The Wandering Ways of the World.

It's an ocean of the tempting pleasures of life. A tidal wave that wants to devour. A little taste here, a little drink there may not be so bad. It's the little steps that will eventually bring to this ocean. I have found myself wandering in circles. Trying to get away from this life but letting myself be devoured even more. I try to remind myself that I am truly statistied in Jesus. I bear the good fruit when I follow my Savior. I feel like I can live the life of pleasure and follow God. Why even bother going back. It's a mindset that's hard to lose. With no conviction there's no point. As I wander knowing I am saved by grace but hating the moment when I have to start all over. I realize that conviction starts when I truly start to choose Jesus. I have told myself and God that I would come back. It's just words with no meaning. We all have moments when falling seems a lot easier than trudging on. Falling gets us nowhere and trudging eventually gets us to the other side. We all are tested and tempted. We all will fall. I am reminded of this verse.   "He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." (John 15:2-4 NIV)
Own of my pastors said that "God cares about our holiness more than our happiness." Even when we fall and getting back up is hard, when it hurts and giving up the world to follow Christ feels like the hardest thing. Know that bearing the fruit that we want to bear and being  Joyful during trialsome times only comes when we remain in Christ. I am truly myself when I am in Christ. 

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

To act justly

The recent Supreme Court decision on gay marriage has been a huge heartbreak for many churches around the US. I will admit I was very heartbroken when I heard about it too. As I was sitting on my bed this morning,  I realized,  here all of the US has been foucsed on the gay marriage ruling. As Christians we can think of all the persecutions we might face in the next few years. But Christians are truly being persecuted for what they believe in now! We all know who ISIS is and what they are doing. We are not really aware of what's going on right now. All  the media is really talking about is gay marriage. I know battle on gay marriage will be a long fight. I am not saying that this issue is not important. Right now ISIS has killed 76 children for reasons such as not fasting during Ramadan and practicing sorcery.  They have not ceased to kill women and children that they come across. Im am not trying to bashthe Church or society, but I think we need to be more aware. In the bible God calls us to "walk humbly, love mercy, and act justly." I believe we need to act justly with this issue. I don't want to just post this and do nothing about it. I want to change this situation. My heart and prayers go out to all the people suffering from ISIS.  God not only calls us to act justly, He also tell us these people are our neighbors,  brothers, and sisters in Christ. These people need as much help as ever. I personally don't know how to help besides praying for them and giving money to organizations that can. I think if we as a church are aware of what's going on. Change can happen. Not only should we be aware of what our brother and sisters are going through. We should be aware of what our country is doing about it. These are just some thoughts. Below are articles with more information. 

Thursday, May 28, 2015

Simple moments of beauty.

It's the simple moments of beauty. The sunsets. The stillness at twilight. It's sitting in the midst of this beauty and having a moment with God. These are the moments where I like to bring my broken hearts and simply give it to God. As I was reading old journal entry's of a couple months ago. I realized I had these moments where my faith was strong and God moved. Then I had moments where in my weakness and unworthiness God blessed me. He showed me He was faithful. Yet I seemed to let the broken hearts, the anger, the falls, And the bad days get the best of me. I seemed to forget all that the good shepherd provides. Why are we humans quick to let the joyous moments and the times of defeat effect us equally? These past couple of months have been hard. There have been moments of refinery and moments of blessing. I realized when we try to follow God but always look at how unworthy we are, we can never accomplish anything. We or I in this matter am so focused on the negative. I realize how unworthy I am. A couple weeks ago God blessed me beyond words. I was feeling unworthy and trying my best. My parents surprised me and took me to a concert. That night every little thing from getting there to the key words to in the songs blessed me. I knew that God was working in my heart and was moving. I realized its in those big moments of blessing where we can remember to thank God. Remember to live out life with gratitude. Living life in gratitude opens heart to Him. It's not letting the times of defeat effect us but letting Jesus write his beautiful story in our lives. 

Saturday, February 14, 2015

My Lover

On this fine Valentines Day I wanted to take a few moments and tell you about my love.

                     It has been four years since I have committed my love to you.
                     Since I have gone on this adventure with you My Love.
                                  You are gentle and Kind.
                     You never fail to give me grace when I mess up.
                                  You always hold my hand.
                                  Your love for me is genuine.
                    Your compliments to me are more than words can describe.
                   You help me believe in myself and be confident in who I am.
                   You don't want me to be like everyone else in this world.
                                  You inspire me to be different.
                                  You give me my passion to serve.
                                  You wash my feet so that I can wash others feet.
                                  Your security is all that I need.
                I know that you will provide when times are rough.
                You are willing to give up your life for me, so that no one can take me away from you.
                                  You protect me when harm is near.
               You give me confidence to help those who are hurting.
                                 You teach me how to love.
                                 You never break your promises.
                                 You help me dance when times are hard.
               You give me Joy when mourning is near.
               You help me see the world in a way I have never seen before.
                                You are patient when I wander off.
                And forgiving when I betray your/ our love.
                               You are my song.
                               You give me laughter.
                               You are my love.
Unlike most lovers, I am confident that I will spend eternity with you; lover of my soul.
This Love is not the  Love found in typical romance. It runs so much deeper than that.
On this Valentines Days here is to Jesus, My Savior; Lover of my Soul.


Saturday, February 7, 2015

The Importance of Being Women of God in Community.

"We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians, and opened wide our hearts to you. We are not with holding our affection from you, but you are withholding yours from us. As a fair exchange- open wide your hearts also." 2 Corinthians 6:11-12.

I have felt the pull in my heart to go on mission for God, but I did not know where to start. A lot of times when I try to say yes to God in this way I feel as if I just need to move to Africa or some foreign country and help those in need. Whenever I think of this worries start to flood my mind. Thinking about living in a foreign country makes me automatically assume that all my dreams and hopes will never come true. I know this is black mail from the devil. In the end I leave feeling more discouraged than ever. We need to start somewhere. Make one change at some point. As women when we are in the word and encouraging one another I know that God can use us in amazing ways. He has given us a caring motherly heart, he gives us strength to endure hard times so we can make a difference. Me by myself sure I can encourage others and lead worship, and be involved in the church. Sure God can still sure use that. What I don't have is the willingness to be vulnerable. To say 'Hey, life is not going to well, I don't have peace or I can't forgive,' or whatever it is that I'm going going through. The most important way we can do ministry is being a community. Community takes vulnerability. Now you hear community but what does that look like?  Community is meeting someone for coffee or getting a group from school, work, church, etc.. and digging deeper in God. It is making it available to who ever and letting God move. Letting Him take it to the places he has planned. I know when the emotions of life come it is important to have people to support and love and to do the same for others. This past week God has shown me that when I start something He will blesses it and take it to places I never could of imagined. It starts with willingness.